After fasting and prayer for four days, what I learned mainly was not just to love people and yearn for their salvation. God revealed me His almighty, righteousness, faithfulness and provision during the time. It has been marvelous week that I've been reflecting what God's blessed me through whole seven years. First of all, I am grateful that God provided the food, the money which was I had to take risk to see God helped me out, and the workers that He sent to help to do the harvest here. I have learned about being felt to recognize His presence during the time of prayer seeking for Him. I have learned to be honest and pouring out my heart to say how I feel in every way and also to confess what I am, how I feel, some bad feelings that were bad to God. I've exactly the meaning by my heart to lay my trust on Him while we did not have money at all to pay for the farewell party out reach, and I learned to take the risk ordering the food two thousand baht by trusting in His provision. God taught me by asking me whose ministry and who is running the ministry, if it is Gods wouldn't He provide for His OWN ministry. Why were you so worried about it? Was His Hand too short?
One more promise that He talked through me during that time which was so touching and warm. He said life on earth is difficult and tiring, you may loose several times here apple, but one day, one day that'll be the day you will never ever loose again. The victory will be yours. You and I will be together forever.

Dear, God
I first attended ABTS class, an organizational Leadership, surrounded by pastors, deacons and elders wondering why God has put me here. The class was so awesome motivated by a pastor from Grand rapids Calvary Baptist Church who has such a wonderful heart and great preaching and teaching. I do believe in Your reign and everything has its own reason that works by Him. I never know what the future holds but one thing that I do believe that He has such a wonderful and lovely plan for my life, is it a big plan that I should be scared of. Anyway, I have such a wonderful time in prayer with Him during lunch times that I skipped for two days. I find rest in Him and reflect things that I never spent long enough to think of. I realize my characteristics that some are good and some are pretty, mostly bad. I pour out my heart in prayer that I need Him more than ever.

Whole Brand new me

My name is Saranya Tongkan also known as Apple. I am working at English Resource Corner as a staff and attending Lighthouse BP Church. I live in Chiang Mai with my mother and a younger sister, my father passed away two years ago. I was not born from a Christian family. Before coming to know Christ I thought I was a Buddhist but I did not practice the religion at all. My family was so poor when I was young my parents had to work very hard. They woke very early in the morning and came back home so late. We had a few time to meet one another in the family. I was so lonely and I did not understand why my parents were not there when I really needed them. I thought perhaps they did not love or even care. And in Thai family we did not express our love Thai parents believe that it was not good to their children to compliment them or to show them love. When I did something good and told my parents because I wanted them to love me. They did not show me that they were glad. So I always thought that I was not good enough. I thought they hated me and they did not want me to be born in this family. Also my friends at school and relatives always made fun of me that I was fat. I hated me because I thought I was ugly and freak. I tried to get everyone attention by being bad. I did not do my home works and I did not pay my attention to my classes. I became so aggressive and ignorant. I did not talk to anyone and always fought with friends at school. My friends called me a thief because I stole things from schools and friends. Lying is my habit even no reason to lie, one of my teachers told me that my life would end up being a prostitute. When my younger sister was born made me feel even worse because that time our lives got better. We were not that poor and we had a new bigger house. My mother decided to quit her job staying home taking care of my younger sister. I hated my younger sister because I thought she always had everything I did not. Making fun of my younger sister and bullying her became my favorite hobby. I still tried to get my parents’ attention by being bad and even worse. When I was eighth grade I was drunk all the time, smoked and used drugs. I usually skipped classes to hang out with friends in malls and stole things there. I kept doing this until I almost finished my ninth grade my adviser told me to drop out of school and planed no more studying. She said for me there was no future. My father was contractor he wanted me to work with him in the future. I applied a school, Rajamangkala technology institute, as a carpenter. Life there was worse. I became addicted to drugs. It’s been a while until my father found out and locked me in the house to give up drugs. After a while I gave up the drugs the side effect occurred. I became schizophrenia. My parents thought I was obsessed by an evil. They took me to temples and charms. I was not better until they took me to a mental hospital. After I was better my parents were so sad and it was the first time that I saw my father cried out loud. He held me so tight and told me not to do that again. I tried to commit suicides after all I thought it would be better if I died. Every night I wished I would never woke up. It was amazing that I was still alive and able to finish school. I came to Payap University with no plans or goals. At my first as an English major student, I met a Christian friend who invited to study English conversation class for free at Payap Church. I went there and met a Campus Crusade for Christ staff, she shared me a four spiritual laws but I did not have a clue who God was, why Jesus died for me, why He loved me and who Jesus was anyway. Finally, she invited me to received Christ I did not want to but I prayed along because I did not her to lose her face. Then she invited me to attend Church, cell group and prayer meeting sometimes. Since, I had nothing to do, no friends and no place to go. I went every activity they had and I became a little bit clearer who God was and who Jesus was also why He died but I did not take personally. One Christmas night that I joined there was a song “Amazing Grace” playing in the party, the song sang “amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me” a wretch like me? I thought I was a wretch I have done evil things. There was a voice saying in my heart “Jesus died for apple on the cross. I’ve loved you with an everlasting love, I’ve drawn you with loving kindness” I said me? God loved me? Who could ever loved me and God would forgive me for I’ve done? And I heard the voice said to me again that I loved you no matter who you were and I would forgive everything you’ve done for I loved you as who you were. That was the first time I heard the word “love” and that it was for me. I ran into a restroom and cried out loud overwhelming His warming and touching love. I went back home listened to Jesus’ life cassette tape and at the end there was an invitation to received Christ and I sincerely prayed along that time. I really felt that there was someone became into my heart. I felt so warm in my heart and I believed that I would never be alone from now on. God came to change my life very much. I would never want anything anymore. He fulfilled my life with peace, hope, joy and happiness which I’ve been long for since I was young. My family was happy for me. My mother told me that she was so glad that I knew God. She said that she saw the change that God did in me and she thanked God very much for it. Before I graduated I have prayed a year for God to show me His will. He call me in Isaiah 49 that He wanted me to serve Him full time. When my father passed away it became a question what I live for and it was an urgent to share the gospel with everyone before they die. God called me in John 21: 15-17. I commit my life to Jesus to serve Him full time by sharing gospel to Universities students through helping them to improve their English in English Resource Corner, ERC. I am helping their spiritual growth in Christ at Lighthouse BP Church also.